The Battle Rages On

My Dad

In the home of the elderly patient, time and schedules begin not to matter. There comes a time when appointments, chores, and lists are not the concern of daily schedule. A simpler routine sets in, closely resembling the beginnings of life. Someone else prepares food and meets daily demands while a dreamy sleep of yesteryear overtakes the patient. Awakening only for meals, a desire to snooze in a nearby chair is preferable, and even from that chair, longings gaze toward the bed whether the sun shines or stars twinkle in the sky. 
Without a purposeful study beyond the window, there is no difference of night and day, and the calendar moves on alone as the elderly one stares into the memories of the past.
The life of the care giver tries to slow down also. Friends and activities are put aside, basically  out of necessity, as concerns become more intense and necessary. Thoughts envelope the welfare of the patient, the care needed, and desperate prayers drown in pleas for the strength required to meet the eminent emergencies of each moment. 

Projects untouched 

This is my life with Dad. Often, I make plans for the little tasks I want to accomplish each day, yet find myself just sitting nearby, rubbing his hand as I watch his face. When I reflect on the day, I really don't know what filled the vaporized time from sunrise to sunset. Each morning, I make my lists for getting chores accomplish, but quickly give in to the desire to sit nearby, leaving projects untouched and waiting my attention. I am aware of the ticking of the clock, but the movement of its hands only remind me that the near presence of death pauses my activities and consider life.

There is no real explanation for what happens, but one's experience of sitting in a hospital room, anxiously watching a loved patient sleep, knows the feeling that describes the busy world stopping or maybe, at least, the sense that it moves on without you. 
There is real comfort in just sitting in the quiet room. The portal of death is honored as it causes all to patiently wait for the process of death to do its damage before real life triumphs. 
One must fight the settling in of discouragement by claiming the promises of God for life. A seed must die before life is produced. So it is with our own condition. Jesus died to give us life. So, in the process of this battle with death, it is pertinent to obey God's command:
"Stand still and Know that I am God".

Battle between life and death

Because of God's faithfulness, we have the potential to see life and beauty, even when the presence of Death becomes our backdrop. Gradually, we can accustom our eyes to focus on beauty, observing signs of new life, and experiencing peace in the darkest moments as we learn to stand still and know God is still Sovereign. 


Recently, I saw this conflict of life against death depicted most vividly in the quiet peace found in the VA cemetery. We visited my mom's grave as Spring was coming to life. The living scenes blossomed in gorgeous beauty among the final markings of death. Focus on nature portrayed God's intent for Creation, although, the backdrop displayed a subtle reminder of destruction promised by our original disobedience to God's Word. 
Yes, God remains faithful to His Word. Death brought into the world by man's choice can be pushed to the background by God's Life given to us through the death of His Son.
May you see beauty precede your darker backgrounds showing your knowledge of God's faithfulness. May you rejoice because Christ arose victorious over the grave!

Too Heavy

A sojourner meandered along the well-worn trail in deep thought, yet occasionally, he took moments to enjoy the surrounding beauty and the streaming rays of sun bouncing off the overhanging jagged rocks. He knew his Creator walked alongside, and offered praise for the delicate handiwork in little things he noticed lining the path. Throughout this trek, he had passed several other journeymen, lingering with them as he heard their responses concerning their welfare.

Now, he noticed a young man carrying a heavy burden, climbing the slope before them. He increased his pace in hopes to join him, and even hoped to relieve some of the burden from the hiker. As he drew near, he realized that the burden was a crippled young boy who clung tightly to his carrier's neck. The young man struggled beneath the weight, shifting it from side to side as he maneuvered the rock-laden path.
His offer of help met with a smile, but was declined because the little guy clung tighter at the sight of the stranger.  
"Isn't he heavy?" the sojourner asked the young man.
"Oh, no!" he exclaimed! "He's not HEAVY, he's my brother!"

I may not remember all the details of this short story, yet the response of the young man often comes to my mind in my present circumstances. I have the privilege of carrying my Dad added to my own personal journey  I realize many times that the care of my elderly Dad is often viewed by others as a heavy burden, and I admit, there are many days when my steps stagger beneath the weight. I often find not only my legs tired, but my arms sore by the many lifting tasks, and my back a little bent under the weight I must shift from side to side. In quiet moments as I consider all that transpired in the previous hours, my heart still rejoices at the gift God has given to me.
The task of my Dad's care is a joy for I have learned much.

My Dad's faith in the unseen God remains strong, yet the darkness of the valley of death overwhelms even this strength in the hours of pain. His spirit fights back when his physical mind wanders in confused pain and weariness. Words of hope and blessing in the Savior's Presence place a weak smile on the wrinkled face and his eyes still sparkle with testimony of God's faithfulness. Without a doubt in these last days, my Dad knows and often quotes from the ancient Job, "I know my Redeemer lives and on that day, shall STAND..."
What a glorious hope our Savior gave those who believe in Him! No matter how dark the valley, how rugged the path, how heavy the burden, the vision of the SON walking with us brings back our joy!

So, as I walk along this path with a true soldier of the cross trusting me to carry him over the rough spots, softening the blows of pain in the darkest of hours, refreshing with Scripture his weary soul and encouraging another step from arthritic limbs, I must respond with a weary smile - and often through tears...
"He's not heavy! He's my Dad!"

Thank you for your prayers and notes of encouragement.

Valley of the Shadow of Death

This challenge to climb to a higher calling "in Christ Jesus" sounds exhilarating and exciting, but where there are mountains, there are also deep valleys the called pilgrim must trek. Some of these are dark, tangled full of shadows, and the unknown swallows each step. There are times when climbing higher in full trust of the Shepherd is beyond my wildest dreams, but this week, the valley loomed before me, with dark shadows and foreboding thoughts.
"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..."
These words haunt every corner of my house. Every waking moment is focused on the welfare of my elderly Dad. Every choice is made considering his care. Constantly, I check his blood pressure, oxygen, heart rate, and even watch anxiously as his ankles swell with fluid retention. In quiet moments, I gaze on his sleeping face, sketched with pain and age.

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Even as I type, I'm sitting in the dark at his bedside. He sleeps now, just a few passing hours since we  had cried together at his loss and confusion. A simple TIA (mini stroke), leaving his right arm lying limp at his side, scared us with the reality of the shadow lurking around us.
Not wanting to believe the weakness of his arm, he tried to stand and make his usual trek to the bathroom, but slumped backwards with the realization that his right leg would not hold him, nor his hand hold the handle of his walker.
Fear wanted to swallow our courage

Now, 36 hours have passed in the valley that defines our lives, but we are progressing toward the Kingdom. I became my dad's right side, and throughout our second day and night, we gingerly took each step until he gained his own ability to walk. First, it was just the struggle to the edge of the bed to dangle his feet, then, to stand, and finally, hours later, to a triumphant limp behind his walker into the bathroom in his own strength. I am so proud of him.
This valley has been long and full of the unknown. Each hesitating step causes our heart to quake and call out to our Shepherd for strength and guidance.
We cling in faith to God's promised Presence, and claim his Word as reality, and although each step is full of shadows with moments full with fears, we know His Presence.
"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." 
His breathing is hard, panting, as his lungs compensate the weary heart. He sleeps.
What a blessing sleep is!
"I will fear NO EVIL..." 
We may fear the unknown, our weakness, and our inadequacies, but we do not fear evil. There is no evil in the arms of Jesus. Dad continues into this valley of the shadow of death, but, even now, Dad peacefully sleeps because he knows the Shepherd's promise is secure.
The Shepherd promised His Presence...and Dad knows the Shepherd's words are trustworthy.
"For thou are with me."

Gearing Up Again!

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Because hopes for group companionship in posting never happened, this blog became silent. I enjoyed being the classroom facilitator as I taught the intellectual techniques for a spiritual climb, but looking back, I cannot accurately report on continual use of the supplied equipment nor the retention of lessons learned from the instructional manual.

Steadily, our studies covered seven summits in the time allotted. but for me, without input and feedback, there were many hours where it seemed I was climbing alone.  Finally, I observed classmates racing off to other interests and books, scarcely remembering the manual in their hurry.
On my own once again, I decided to continue the climb and discover the mountain range, and enjoyed many hours as breaking light touched my horizon.

Today, I was inspired by some phenomenal mountain photos by Jay Patel, which I enjoyed through my Google+ account. They reminded me of the mountains and valleys of my spiritual walk with my LORD Jesus Christ, the Creator of all nature's beauty. I quickly contacted the photographer to ask permission to portray them in describing my journey, and hopefully encourage you to go to his site to view more.
(Please click on the link below the photos and check them out for yourself!) 
Needless to say, I began writing again and hope you enjoy my thoughts!

•   http://www.jaypatelphotography.com/how-to 

For the past seven years, the journey upward caused many scraps and bruises, hindrances of stumbling blocks, and even some slippery pits leaving shadows of unbelief. There were times when surprise overtook my progress as other trekkers made false paths or gave wrong directions. Entertaining signs hiding slippery slopes and jagged cliffs remain from their cutting carelessness. As I continued my endeavor, I tried to help many lost, weary, and crippled travelers along the way, but embedded deceit made that particular climb almost too dangerous, so my Guide led to other helpers along the path.

There were times when the divisive winds and eventful storms surprised my fortitude, shattered my resolve, and caused me to drag in sheer exhaustion. On occasion, my Guide carried me with comforting words from His manual, requesting me to rest in the comfort of His love. Through these times, I've learned the warmth of His Presence, the surrender of fellowship from his sacrificial trek, and the endearing encouragement to keep my eyes focused on the horizon.

•   http://www.jaypatelphotography.com/how-to 

In addition to my Guide's companionship, it has also been exhilarating to meet fellow trekkers, and receive their helpful advice and tools, accompanied by their encouragement to continue climbing. Gifted individually, they became part of my life through printed conversations. I absorbed their shared testimonies of learned lessons in their personal climb, and try to heed the warnings they found along the path. Their diligence to keep godly priorities, follow their Guide closely, and make little habits and training vital in their daily routines challenged me. Their meek spirit boasted of faithfulness and their written goals continue to encourage younger climbers to stay on the path, reach upward and forever step heavenward.

A SPIRITUAL QUEST
This is the beginning of an unique upward trek made in small groups. Taking a biblical expedition through this study will demand determination to push for the "upward call of God". I enjoyed my first scaling of these mountains, and enthusiastically anticipate several small groups joining me in this upward quest. My prayer for you is that through your study, and reliance on godly strength, the higher climb will be your reward. As a guide, I will announce the summit we will scale each month. Whether you are a seasoned climber, or a beginner; I want to know your struggles and promise to be available to lend a hand, rope, or instruction. We have chosen seven summits and will climb one each month.
WHAT QUALITIES DOES A TRUE CLIMBER HAVE?
We have a personal relationship with the Master Climber. John 3:36; John 14:6
We have a Teacher who dwells in us to teach us God's truth. John 14:16,26
We treasure the Scriptures and its instructions light our path. Psalm 119:105; Hebrews 4:12
We are using lessons taught by Mary Kassian in her book Vertically Inclined (LifeWay.com)
WHAT WILL THIS HIKE ASK OF YOU
You will be partnered with 5-8 climbers as a leader at our base camp.
You will have daily guides to study for deeper understanding and history of the mountains.
You will also be asked to memorize certain paths.
Record any 'special moments' on your own, or share them on this blog. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone and focus on the prize of the upward call. Record your scenes, those inspiring sites, and even your heartbreaking times. Tell me about the steep peaks that give you trouble, and the jutting cliffs you had to surmount.
As we climb, I will share practical concepts and skills I learn on my climb. I will share lessons I study along the way and many of my thoughts as I climb. I invite each climber to join me, journaling what is learned along the way.
Let me join you in the "Tent of Meeting" and encourage your progress with our Teacher.
Please be willing to obey and follow whatever path the Teacher shows you.
WHAT TO DO IN FACE OF CHALLENGES
As we climb each summit, there will be challenges that require partnering with each other and communication with our Teacher. Often fog will hamper our vision of the path, and we need to honestly share the burden with each other. We will only go forward by encouragement and in the strength of the Teacher. Empowerment and direction will come from the Teacher.
LET'S COVENANT TOGETHER
Let's hold tightly to the hope we already have as we learn new paths in the upward climg.
Let's think of ways to encourage outbursts of love and good works.
Let's agree immediately not to neglect coming together to share our burdens.
Let's confess to each other when we need encouragement, helpful hints, warnings, or just a hand to grab to pull us upward.
Let's warn each other of jagged rock, outlying cliffs, and pitholes in the path.
AS I GEAR UP I HOPE
My desire is to be available for you, and know there will be times, I will be so glad you are on my team! I am ready for this climb! I will meet you at base camp in early September. I'm looking forward to the fellowship we will have as we learn to climb together!
So, my boots are on, and I am dressed for service! I hope to see you at base camp!
Your guide,
Debi